The movies are something that builds upon previous work. Techniques and ideas are expanded upon, copied, ripped off, and parodied over and over again. Hollywood likes to go through trends, and these trends can die out and be resurrected repeatedly. If you look at Hollywood history, you’ll notice trends all over the place, whether it be volcanoes with Dante’s Peak and Volcano, asteroids with Armageddon and Deep Impact, talking pigs with Gordy and Babe, or gay movies like with Brokeback Mountain and Copote. Be it either trends, ideas, techniques or cliches, these are some of the things that I’m tired of in the movies…
1. The Comedic Pause
If you watch any movie trailer that has any sort of comedy in it, you’re going to see a pause in the music, usually with some kind of record scratch or something, to set up a joke. Sometimes you see it more than once in the same trailer. The trailer above had 8. I counted. Now I understand that trailers are supposed to get an audience interested in the movie, but its gotten to the point that this cliche is annoying. I don’t like being spoonfed jokes in a comedy. Thats why I sometimes get annoyed with laugh tracks in a sitcom. I don’t want to be told when to laugh, I like to enjoy the comedy as it comes. Some of the best comedies in existence don’t have laugh tracks: The Office, 30 Rock, and Arrested Development don’t have laugh tracks and you get the laughs from paying attention to the characters and the dialog, not when someone says “You should be laughing now!”. Stop trying to feed me the jokes and let the script and characters speak for themselves.
2. Terrible Fight Camerawork
A good action movie always has at least one really good fist fight. They’re great ways of raising the stakes and allowing the good guy go man to man with the bad guy. But the problem is that now days we’re too often seeing crappy camera work being passed of as “gritty” or “realistic”, and we can’t see whats going on half the time. The Bourne movies are a pitch perfect example of this, even though I still appreciate what the director was trying to do with the camerawork. I just wish I could see it more clearly.
I can understand wanting to make a movie gritty by using handheld camera’s and such, but at the same time I want to be able to see whats going on, especially if its a fight. Martial Arts movies are the usually the best at this, and here are a couple of examples from Tony Ja and Jackie Chan below (keep in mind that all of these are 100 percent legit. No special effects, no speeding up the camera, nothing but pure face kicking glory).
YOU HAVE JUST BEEN PUNCHED IN THE FACE BY AWESOME!!
3. Unrealistic Love Interests
If you look at any high school movie, you always have the fat best friend, or at least the mildly overweight or mildly ethnic best friend. If a girl is the main protagonist she is always in love with the hot guy who turns out to also have a heart of gold. Why do they always have to be unrealistic with their washboard abs, perfect hair and winning smiles? Why can’t a normal guy win the girl based on his personality and the way he treats her? I may be nitpicking, but to me that gets kinda discouraging. I’m a normal looking guy, I’m not in the greatest of shape, and I think they need to focus on behavior and personality first before looks. I’m sick of thinking that if I was in a movie that I would be regulated to the “best friend” role who does nothing but help the friend with abs get the girl.
4. Unnecessary Reboots/Sequels
Spider-Man 3 came out in 2007. The reboot of the series is releasing next year. Why so soon? Granted Spider-Man 3 wasn’t good, but do we really need to reboot the entire series less than 6 years after it ended? Has Hollywood really run out of ideas to the point that they are rebooting BILLION dollar franchises while its still fresh in the minds of movie goers? The same thing goes with sequels, and yes I’m pointing at you Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, you were totally unneeded. The third Indiana Jones film ended the series perfectly, and your inclusion into the saga was nothing but a greedy grab for our money, and because of that, you tarnished your legacy in the minds of millions of fans. Hollywood needs to get back to coming up with original ideas.
5. How Christians Are Portrayed In Movies
Too often in a film we have a “Christian” character or group of characters who are nothing but ugly and extremely ignorant stereotypes. A perfect example of this is the film Easy A. As a Christian I find it insulting that Hollywood constantly portrays people who follow Jesus as hypocritical judgmental jerks. Granted there are people out there like that, but that doesn’t give writers a free pass to constantly stereotype. They don’t treat black characters in stereotypes any more, and often you have films talking negatively against Arab and Muslim stereotypes, so why should Christians be the exception? If you demand that gays, Muslims and other races be treated fairly in film, then why not Christians? It’s time to get away from your double standard.
This insulted me
6. Plot Lines That Could Be Easily Avoided
In almost every movie, especially romantic ones, there are problems that arise that are caused only by lack of communication. It’s stupid to me when all of the drama and pointless plot devices are there only because characters refuse to have basic communication skills. Miscommunication is the beating heart of romantic comedies, because thats what always leads to the standard “sad portion of the film because one party hurt the other and now they’re unsure if they still want to be together but then decide that they love them no matter what” moment. Almost every romantic comedy has this. Find something else. You’re getting predictable.
7. When Bad Guys Talk Too Much
In many action movies, the bad guy will have the good guy right where he wants him, and instead of shooting him and ending the conflict he sits there and talks to him. Why?! You have him right there, shoot him!! You’re only opening yourself up to getting killed and looking like a moron. Where this is most common are the James Bond films. It’s practically a tradition for the bad guy to do this. Seriously watch the Bond films and tell me how many times this happens. I’ll wait here. You back yet? How many of them do that? Pretty much every one. It’s stupid to sit and talk when you have the advantage. Greedo does this to Han Solo and Han responds by shooting him in the face while the idiot is too busy talking. Han Solo was always the boss. I think Tuco from The Good, The Bad And The Ugly sums my feelings up perfectly…
Tuco knows what’s up
8. The Free Spirit and the Workaholic Changing Each Others Lives and Falling In Love
Its the plot of Along Came Polly repeated over and over again. You can also reference 50 First Dates, Stranger Than Fiction, A Walk To Remember, or Titanic (you can change it to socialite and poor person, its all interchangable).
10 bucks says this movie ends in heartbreak.
9. M. Night Shyamalan And How He Has Progressively Gotten Worse
After Lady in the Water, it’s all gone downhill.
10. Dog Movies Where The Dog Always Dies, Or You Think They Die
How many dog movies have you seen where the dog dies? Lets see… hmmmm…. Old Yeller, Where The Red Fern Grows, Marley and Me, My Dog Skip, Homeward Bound, Lassie, the scene from I Am Legend when Will Smith has to kill his own dog, the list goes on. As a dog person, I find it sad to see a dog die in a movie. It’s right up there with the death of a major character. Stop killing dogs. You make a huge point to get audiences attached to them because of how loving and cute they are, and then you kill them? How cruel are you?!
Published by Jarrod Terry
Follower of Christ, husband to Amber, father to Ellie, stepfather to Kade, high school teacher, obsessive note-taker, stressed out sports follower, dog lover, movie nerd, book reader, sometimes outdoors guy, sometimes writer. Give me more coffee.
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