50 Things I’ve Learned From Watching Movies

1. If a male and female start a movie off hating each other, they will fall in love.
2. If you own a fruit stand, it will be knocked over by a vehicle.
3. That character that seems suspicious will probably end up betraying you.
4. You can hack into the CIA in less than two minutes with a laptop on coffee house WIFI.
5. There will be a point in every relationship where one or both parties will storm out after something and contemplate breaking up before ultimately getting back together.
6. The hero and villain will always meet face to face. No matter how large the battle or improbable the odds.
7. The news on TV will always tell you exactly what you need to know at the exact right moment.
8. If a dog is a main character, it will probably die.
9. Every science fiction movie has an eccentric genius who is an expert at everything and somehow figures everything out when rooms full of scientists can’t.
10. The quiet guy always has a mysterious or dark past.
11. If you’re a female of questionable morality in a horror film, you’re probably going to die.
12. Talking macho will usually mean you’re going to die in an embarrassing way.
13. Grocery bags always have a long piece of French bread in it.
14. People still use paper grocery bags.
15. Every wound the hero receives will probably not kill him.
16. If there is a henchman, the hero must fight him.
17. Every police detective desires to work alone.
18. Special ops commandos that work for the villain are always terrible shots.
19. When the hero is sneaking into the evil compound, no one ever looks up.
20. There’s always a portion of the film where the hero gets depressed.
21. There is no emergency room waiting.
22. The detective will end up talking to the serial killer on the phone.
23. Phone traces are always cut off right before they know the location.
24. Cop cars can’t take a turn without sliding.
25. Aliens never scare little kids.
26. The comic relief is usually one of these characters: white and nerdy, scrawny, fat, asian, black, or obsessed with getting girls.
27. Teachers are never aware of the time and are always surprised by the bell ringing.
28. The captain of the team always dates a cheerleader.
29. Pranks never crash and burn.
30. The best friend character’s life always revolves around the main characters life.
31. Last words are always perfect for the moment or the character listening.
32. People without jobs still somehow live in nice apartments.
33. The police captain is always yelling and taking people off cases.
34. The FBI is like the bully big brother to the police.
35. Cars always find ways to explode.
36. No one ever gains any weight in a movie that takes place over a lifetime until they are suddenly old.
37. The geeks are obsessed with being popular and the popular kids are obsessed with beating up geeks.
38. Every high school kid is thinking about promiscuous behavior.
39. Everyone seems to know how to find the black market.
40. People seem to get away with things that would put them in jail in the real world if they do them in the name of love.
41. The best friend is always secretly in love with you.
42. High school is filled with people who will go Lord of the Flies on you if you threaten their popularity.
43. There is always a military commander who wants to use nukes.
44. Every high school party looks like it was planned by someone who has no fear of being caught by the police or their parents.
45. A car is still perfectly drivable after landing a unbelievable jump.
46. High school kids can dance like professionals.
47. No one is weirded out by people randomly breaking out into song.
48. No one thinks to hold tightly on to their keys whenever they are trying to get into their car quickly while running from a deranged killer or psycho ex.
49. Military commanders always seem to have cigars.
50. The military is incompetent but hardened survivors with nothing to lose and no weapons experience always seem to win in the end.

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