A Guide to Dating: Tips for the Modern Man About Town

Looking for a woman is something every man goes through. There comes a time when you say to yourself “I say [insert name here]! I am a man. A quite handsome one at that. And that young lady over there is rather fetching I must say. Naturally I must woo this woman with my rapier wit and roguish charm!”, and then you crash and burn because the second she looks in your direction you turn into a blubbering idiot. Happened to me before. Many times. Its perfectly natural. Now, I’m no relationship expert. I’m not married, and I haven’t dated women on every continent (Antarctic women are hard to come by) and I would be the first to say that attractive women freaked me out. But, I do think I can give you some tips to help navigate the dating world. Dating is basically like a job interview where you may end up kissing someone at the end of the night, so consider this a business casual primer.

1. Don’t make it your mission to find a woman
This may seem like the most backwards thing you’ve ever heard, but hear me out. If you are looking for a relationship you’re going to find one. 9 times out of 10 you find one thats doomed to fail. Why? Because you settled. And settling is much like what the settlers did in the Old West: They get comfortable and then suddenly Indians steal their cows. Be friendly, get to know women, but let the attraction come naturally. Don’t force it. And don’t use pick up lines. They don’t work. And women hate them.

Forcing it gets you a face-full of womanly rage.

2. Never go to the movies on a first date
I’ll be the first to say that movies are totally rad, but NOT on a first date. First dates are all about talking and getting to know one another, not awkward silence wondering whether or not you should put your arm around her (hint: don’t). Be original. Originality goes a long way. Go do something that involves a lot of opportunities for conversation. Go to the Zoo. Zoo’s are awesome. Go tree climbing. Take her on a tour of your favorite places in your city. Go to a record store and look through records. Grill her steaks in the backyard while telling stories of your expedition to the arctic. Anything (well, not ANYTHING. Be a gentleman). Just don’t go to the movies.

3. Look at her face
Seriously, don’t blow it with your wandering eyes.

4. Take turns leading the conversation
Conversation is a complicated tango of words and ideas. The problem is if both people try to lead then toes are going to get stepped on. That being said, be polite. Let her lead at first and then when shes ready to know some things about you she’ll ask. That means if she wants to sit and talk about Twilight for a while, humor her while secretly disagreeing with everything she says. (“If Bella is so plain then why are like 3 guys fighting over her?! Edward is a creepy stalker! Jacob does a complete character 180!! The books are like they were written by a high school girl who wants to be fought over by hot guys! The last book is all buildup and no payoff! Vampire baby that grows ultra fast and will fall in love with Jacob?! GROSS!!”). Then when she asks you about what you like you say “Not Twilight!”. I’m sure there will be a second date.

5. Find things to compliment her about
A little honey in the ear on the first date never hurts. Unless shes allergic. Then you communicate through sarcasm.

6. Turn your phone off
First dates are extremely important because first impressions can make or break you. That being said, turn your phone off. No distractions. Playing Angry Birds on your iPhone while she’s trying to tell you about her hopes and dreams is a one way ticket to SoloTown (one time residence of Han Solo). All of your attention needs to be focused on her…eyes up please.

7. Navigate the goodnight with extreme caution
Everyone is always unsure about what to do when you’re saying goodnight. “Should I go in for the kiss? Should a give a firm handshake? A kiss on the cheek? A high five? A slap on the butt? GAHH!!”. There are certain signals that can tell you what a woman wants to happen. If shes quickly opening the door, then forget it. If shes lingering around and looking you in the eyes, I would guess she wants you to kiss her. Don’t be too aggressive. Slow and steady wins the race. You’re not trying to fly headfirst into first base. Stroll casually into it. Don’t ask if you can kiss her, just go for it. If the date ends with a successful lip connection both parties go to bed that night feeling like a total champ.

Use these tips and you’ll have quality babes on your arm in no time. Being with a beautiful woman is pretty much the greatest thing ever if you’re a man. Its even better if said beautiful woman actually likes you. If you’re nervous about women, just think about this: she’s nervous too. Go with the flow and be a gentleman. Heck, you could even offer to prank call her exes and gloat about being on a date with her. That cool confidence will work wonders. Just be yourself, be awesome and remember what GI Joe said: “Knowing if half the battle.”
  • Random Thought of the Day
    • If you really want to have a great date, study Song of Solomon together. It’s a great conversation starter.

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